Lying in bed, I could hear the screams coming from across the house. My sister is mad again.
When did she turn so hateful? I hear her curse at nothing, "Fucking shit!" I close my eyes, tuning out the cries of Denise, thinking and slowly dreaming of the past.
The world was in view and everything could be touched with our fingertips. We could see and hear every detail of the universe. It was beautiful.
Our Savior sat in front of us on his golden throne, his hands laid on his lap. It was warm, even though we could hear the screams and curses of our brethren below.
We were kneeling, our heads facing the soft ground beneath us.
He spoke kindly. "Will you curse me?"
"I shall never say your name in vain, my Lord," I replied.
"Even if you are damned?" His words were still soft. I took a breath, hoping to take all the beauty of the world with me. I reached out my right hand to my sister, who was kneeling next to me.
I raised my head.
"If it's in Your will, then it's Your way," I said as I gazed upon my view. Everything was clearly detailed except for his face.
I searched desperately to find his features as the warmth started to burn. My hand clenched my sister's. Then we fell.
I woke with a thud and a gasp. The air was knocked out of me as I hit the floor. Staring at the ceiling, I thought back to when I was asleep, a time that I missed dearly.
I got up to make my bed and start my day, ignoring the chaos in the room next to me. Denise was throwing things around her room, things I would have to clean up later.
I got dressed and headed downstairs to make breakfast. Our parents were out for a couple of weeks on a family emergency.
As I sat down to eat, I heard the rushed steps coming down the stairs. "God dammit." my sister said to herself.
I almost choked on my orange juice.
"Excuse me, sister," I said, as I tried to clear my throat. "Did you just use God's name in vain?"
She looked at me for a second, a little surprised that I had heard. She covered up her look with the 'I don't care attitude' she plastered on all the time. "Oh, shut it, Leanne.
I've been stressed since last night," she replied, opening the fridge. She barely made eye contact with me these days.
"Yes, I was able to hear your stress last night. Anything wrong?"
"Nothing for you to be concerned about."
I had a lot I was concerned about. Not too long after we fell and came to be, my sister started changing. I handed the plate of breakfast that was on the table to my sister. "But I am concerned.
Maybe I can help?"
She took the plate of food and plopped down on a seat. She sighed and glanced at me. "Okay. So, there's this party that I'm going to tonight and there will be this guy..."
"Woah woah-- What do you mean party and what do you mean guy?" My sister rolled her eyes. "You plan to marry this guy? You know what upsets our Lord the most.
You just completely disregarded commandment number two. Now you want to go for number six?" My heart started racing, and my ears started to feel warm.
"Jeez, Leanne. Why do you still act so holy? Why do you even care? We were casted out of heaven without reason." She replied with her emotionless attitude.
It was true, almost all the angels were thrown to Earth. God never said why, no one knew what was happening, and it hurt.
A ton of our kind has already committed so many sins, i'm sure they've turned.
I stood up, feeling sick. "Just because they have turned their backs on our father doesn't mean you should, Denise!"
"Our backs! More like he turned his back on us! We served him with utmost loyalty, and he damned us with no explanation!"
We were arguing intensely. How could we not when so much tension and hate built within our kind. So many of the fallen had already broken all the commandments.
Just thinking of those who commited number five sends chills down my spine. Though I can understand why our brethren had fallen deeper than the damned.
They must have felt abandoned, confused, and envious. I feel it, too, but it's no excuse.
I took in a slow breath. "Where is your faith?"
"Where is your faith in me, sister?" Denise was taunting, but I felt her seriousness.
I was shocked. Does she really think I have no faith in her? It is practically the reason why we are arguing now, I have faith that she can walk back down the right road.
I couldn't reply to her taunting reply.
"Exactly. Am I not your precious sister? If so, then why can't you have even the slightest amount of trust in me?" She pointed her fork towards me.
I looked at Denise, as her serious face turned into a cheesy smile.
"Fine. I'll allow you to go, but I'm going too, and I'm driving."
"I wasn't looking for your approval to go, but, hey, I'll take the free chauffeur."
She was now excited. "Oh, by the way, we are picking up three of my friends. Thank you, my dearest sister!" She sprinted up the stairs.
The tips of my fingers pressed against my temples and I clenched my eyes. I could feel my head pounding as the heat subsided from my anger.
"I am not holy. I was damned too." I said to myself as I started to walk up stairs.