I'm tired of finding myself behind brick walls,
When I tap through they only fall back on me.
I want to hear words of guidance from a voice other than my own,
Or just allow myself to hear them.
I know they're there but I'm no digger.
Unless it's digging myself into holes which
I can do between breaths.
I want to get my weight off the walls,
My back is starting to ache,
And move into the centre of the room.
Usually when I try, lightening bolts through me
Before the wind can pull my tears out quicker than a comforting hug.
I've experimented with lightening,
But its fire doesn't just burn me.
And I don't want to hide behind yellow danger tape.
I want a smile to last a whole day
Even if I have to pay for it.
I see others with them and
That's a trend I don't mind following.
Because I'm tired of this.
I want to look at the ocean and see the floor.
I want to follow directions and
End up where I intended.
Mostly, I want all of this
Not to be too much to ask for.