by Senna Arbman
We met on the last day of school, right before the summer break. I was sitting on the beach, drawing the sunset.
When suddenly he blocked my view, he was trying to look at my drawing, but I shielded it away from him.
"What are you drawing?" He asked.
"Nothing that should matter you." I replied. I didn't want his attention, I just wanted to calmly enjoy the view. That was until I looked up at his eyes. He was far more greater than the sunset.
He wasn't hot, he was beautiful.
He smiled at me. "Fair enough. Mind if sit down?"
I shook my head. "No, it's fine." I wanted him to sit next me, I realised wanted his company.
We talked for hours that day. I felt like I could tell him everything without feeling judged in what way so ever. I didn't even realise that it had gotten dark out.
He offered to drive me home, and took on that offer.
When I got out of his car, I realised that I didn't even know his name, but I knew that I didn't need it, because I was going to see him again. I was sure if that.
And I was right. The next day, the first day of the summer vacation, I got a text from him. It said to be ready in half an hour.
He picked me up and took me to the carnival, and finally told me his name when he realised he didn't even knew mine. That day was just as perfect as the first day I met him.
And so were all the others.
But you know what they say, all good things come to an end.
And so did we, we came to an end.
It all started with him, funny enough, just like all other things started with him.
After 4 weeks he cancelled for the first time, said he had some other things to take care off. I didn't think much of it, I was just bummed he couldn't come.
Yet he cancelled the day after that too, said he still hadn't taken care of that one thing that was so damn important to him.
I didn't see him for a week. I tried contacting him, but he wouldn't answer any of my calls, and didn't reply to any of my texts.
Seeing someone slowly lose interest in you, is probably one of the worst things ever.
The wrong thoughts started to twirl around in my head.
'If he wanted you, he'd be there.'
'If he wanted you, you'd never question it.'
'If he wanted you, he would have chosen you.'
Until one day, I did get a text back. He asked if could meet him at the same spot we met at the beginning of the summer.
I wasn't sure if I should go, what if he just wants me to meet him there to officially end things.
But I had to know what he had to say. So I grabbed my car keys and drove to the beach, when I got there I saw that he was already standing at the spot.
His back towards me, staring at the sunset. He turned around, and when I looked him in the eye, I saw that he was crying.
"What's wrong?" I asked him. I stepped closer to him, but he took a few steps back.
"This. This is wrong. I can't do this, not anymore, not any longer." He reached from behind his back and grabbed a gun.
I started panicking. Did I trust him enough to know that he wasn't going to shoot me?
I got the answer to my question soon enough as he put the gun to his head.
"No! Don't you dare do this! I can't let you kill yourself, because I need you too much. I love you!" I screamed at him.
"I'm sorry. I don't love you, you were just a distraction." I stared him in the eyes not knowing what to do. He whispered my name one last time, and pulled the trigger.
I don't remember what happened next, and maybe that's for the best.
Now that you know what happened. You might understand me a bit more, or not, I don't really care.
He is the reason everyone looks at me like I'm a sad person who needs constant comfort, although the never approach me to ask me how I'm doing.
They treat like I'm some weird outcast who doesn't belong.
What I regret the most are the things that I never said to him. I will never regret meeting him that first day, or meeting him that last day.
You know I read something the other day.
How to kill someone:
Hold their hand and then never touch their skin again.
See them nearly everyday and pretend they don't exist.
Act like everything you ever said to them was a lie.
So maybe that day he didn't only kill himself, he also killed me.
It's been a month, I survived a whole month without him. And it's hard. I hope I stay strong enough to last a lifetime without him.
I hear a knock on the door. I don't answer it. I hear a knock again, it sounds quite persistent this time. I decide that it must be important, so I open the door.
I don't even have the chance to see who it is before I pass out.
I wake up in a room, cold sweat drips down my back. I try to open my eyes but they feel to heavy to open up.
I try to move some other body part and I realise that it is more difficult than I thought, I'm seated on something and I'm guessing it's a chair from the position I'm in.
I fight the tiredness and open my eyes and when I finally succeed I see his steel blue eyes in front of me.
It can't be, he is dead, he can't be in front of me. The drugs they gave me are just messing with my head.
"You don't have to be afraid Xenia. I'm here for you." He says.
"No, no... You can't be real. You're dead! You died in front of me, I saw it with my own eyes.
How the brightness of your eyes slowly faded as you whispered my name one last time!" I walked up to him and started beating on his chest.
I'm starting to panic, it's getting harder to breath and my eyesight is blurry.
He grabs my hands and pulls me close to his chest, I hear his heartbeat, strong and steady, like it was beating all this time.
"I did it to protect you Xenia. They were after me, and if I left you behind they would leave you alone. I faked my own death so that you would never come after me again. But I was stupid.
I thought I could just leave you behind like that. But everyday that I was away from you, the pain started to become unbearable, because the moment I left you, I realized how much I love you."
His words calm me down and I look back up at him. His tousled black hair that falls over his forehead and slightly over his piercing steel blue eyes that are staring into my small grey ones.
He softly smiles at me with his pink full lips and leans in so that our noses are touching. His straight nose bumps against my bulby button nose covered in tiny freckles.
I just can't look away, so caught up in the moment. And this time I do realise what he is doing. He is loving me.
"I love you Xenia. And never in my life will I stop loving you"
"I love you too Aiden."