It will go away. That's the first thing I always tell myself when I come to the conclusion that I have a crush. My crushes come fast and fortunately, they go away as fast as they came. It's like that every time.
He lit a flame in my heart, fast and bright. At the time I didn't mind, because I was sure that it will fade out as fast as is burned bright. I was mistaken. The flame burned long and bright and my certainty that it would fade out turned to the certainty that I will always love him, my heart will always burn for him. After years of hurting, the fire had burned out.
My crush stayed, but what was once a burning flame for a boy I never have talked to, had burned me. The flame lit up fast, too fast, and it burned my heart. It left it beating, it didn't kill me, but it left my heart scarred. With every beat, it left my insides hurt.
I met him. He smiled. Just the way he looked was enough to fuel my crush. His deep, thoughtful eyes, his eyes focused on the puck while he's guarding the net for our team. For whatever reason, a slight crush turned into a lifelong crush. His eyes, his hair, his hands, the way he walked, all these things fueled the desire I had for him. I could never explain why he caught my eye. I still can't, it just happened.
It's not a love story. There is no happy end, at the same time, there is not really a sad end. There is no end. With every beat of my heart, I am reminded of him. I am reminded of all the things he had to offer and I never got to experience. I am reminded of the way that you can love a person without knowing them.
I suffered for a long time with the word "love". How could I say I loved him when I have never talked to him. My family and my friends told me: "It is not true love!" It was. It was love, no matter what all the people said. It may not be love anymore and if I would meet him today, there would be no love at all, but at the time, all these years ago, it was love. I was in love with him.
Maybe the spark which enlighted the flame that burned my heart has faded and maybe the wounds have healed and my heartbeat is steady now. The memories are carved in my heart in form of scars from a burned heart.