25
25 drowning stories
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seekingsquake
seekingsquake I've got a tambourine heart
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
Nothing lasts forever. Life starts now.

25

Here’s the scene:

You drown in the ocean off the beaches you’ve roamed your whole life

You just bought an apartment with your girlfriend

You kissed her goodbye before she flew home to Canada

You’ve talked about getting married

You've talked about getting married You've talked about having kids

You’ve talked about getting married You've talked about having kids You've never been so in love

You trust the ocean and you trust the beach because it’s been under your feet since before you can remember

You don’t expect it to drag you under

You don’t expect to not come back from it

And yet

You can’t breathe

I only met Alex once

I only met Alex once We spent maybe three hours together

I remember him being soft spoken

I remember him being soft spoken Kind

I remember him being soft spoken Kind Worthy of a double-take on the street, good looking

What I remember most about Alex isn’t from that night we met, though

I think it was around Valentine’s Day

He posted this photo on Facebook of him and my cousin

Ali’s holding a drink

She’s sitting in his lap

She’s looking at the camera

She's looking at the camera She's smiling

He’s looking at her

When I saw that photo I hadn’t yet met him

He was just some Mexican boy that my cousin was in love with

But you can’t see that photo and not know how much he loved her

He's looking at her the way I must have looked at the ocean

He's looking at her the way I must have looked at the ocean Standing on the beach

My first time in Mexico

Breathless, awed, lucky

Like all your dreams are spread out in front of you

Waiting for you to reach out

To grab them

Here’s the scene:

You rush to the airport

You don’t care about traffic or money or the fact that all your aunts and uncles and cousins are expecting you at dinner on Saturday night

How can you care about that?

You buy the first ticket you can on the first flight available

You need to be in the air

You can’t get there fast enough

Your mother is with you

She’s going to go back with you because she’s scared to leave you alone

There’s a problem with her passport

How can you care about that?

You can’t breathe

You go alone

Alex is dead

Alex is dead You go alone

Alex is dead You go alone Alex is dead

Alex is dead You go alone Alex is dead You go alone

Alex is dead You go alone Alex is dead You go alone Alex is dead

You can’t breathe

That’s the only thing that matters

This is the start of your life

Nothing you’ve done before matters

Everything is now organized like this:

Before Alex

After Alex

You kissed him goodbye before flying home to Canada

You’ve talked about getting married

You've talked about getting married You've talked about having kids

You've talked about getting married You've talked about having kids You’ve never been more in love

You can’t look at the ocean

When I was 18 I left home

Everything was a mess

Everything is still a mess

I told myself, "Nothing has to be sorted out until you’re 25"

I told myself, "Nothing has to be sorted out until you're 25" "No one has a clue until they're like 25"

"Nothing really starts to matter until 25"

It should have been the start of his life

Nothing was supposed to matter

And yet

And yet And yet

Here’s the scene:

I wake up

I think of Ali

I think of Alex

I don’t look at the ocean

Life matters now

I can’t afford to wait

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