I didn't know any better when he told me that he loved the girls who could drink as much as he could and so the bottle stayed pressed to my lips until my fingers were numb from gripping it tight
I didn't understand when he said that if I kept swallowing the pills down like candy that I would feel better and he wouldn't let anything bad happen to me and I ate them until my fingers shook
I didn't know that if somebody really loved you that it wasn't after 2am as their hands slide up your shirt like a snake coiling around its prey while you struggle to keep your eyes wide open
That it wasn't love if you push him away but he pulls you in closer and kisses you deeply and touches you like there's nobody else in the room
That it's never okay that his friend got jealous and followed you into the bedroom when you tried to lie down because God knows you're too drunk and medicated to stay awake any longer,
That he climbed on top on you and told you to keep it down or people would know what you were doing as if this was your bad deed and not his, as if he wasn't a vile creature for even thinking it.
It's not okay that I was so scared to tell anyone that I let it shake my faith in humanity as a whole and destroy my confidence in myself because even though I didn't know then what I know now
Despite what you feel and think, despite what society and your friends will say, it's not your fault because ANYTHING except a verbal, coherent "yes" absolutely means "NO"