C L I F F J U M P E R S






            


           

           C L I F F   J U M P E R S  mental illness stories
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salmonreed
salmonreed young, dumb, & stung 👽
Autoplay OFF   •   a year ago
And it isn't until you jump, that you realize you want to live

C L I F F J U M P E R S

Last night I laid on my living room floor

And even with an ashtray balancing precariously on my stomach

And a half drunk beer bottle by my head,

There are some things you just can’t conjure

Like that night on your living room floor

Back when I barely knew you and you were still some guy on the bridge

When I was too drunk to think better about telling a half stranger

How sometimes I fantasize about death the way people fantasize about love

You laid down next to me then, outlined by the glow of your lighter

You exhaled through flared nostrils and spoke around a limp cigarette,

“Can I take you somewhere special?”

I felt myself laugh from another room

And you turned your head to look at me

You smelled of stale cigarettes, Blue Moon, and spices

And the way you looked at me back then was frightening

Because I remembered how quickly blue skies can turn to rolling thunder

And God, you had eyes like a fucking hurricane

“Sure”

Sometimes I think my voice isn’t my own

But on that night, it was

“It's a date”

You gave me that wolfish smirk

And laying on your living room floor,

I worried that you wanted something more

But you didn't

A week later you drove us up to the cliffs above the lake

Where you peeled your shirt off and squinted into the sun,

“You ever been cliff jumping?”

You were walking backwards with a boyish smile

I had already kicked off sandals and unbuttoned my jean shorts,

“No, is it dangerous?”

And I remember thinking the sky was too blue that day

As you held your hand out for me to take

“Maybe, but do you really care?”

It was a question left unanswered

Because I didn’t have one to give

Not back then, at least

So I took your hand and stood with you on the cliff’s edge

And conjured up that night on the bridge

Back when I was so certain I was ready to die

But some things aren’t that easy to conjure

And it isn’t until you jump,

That you realize that you want to live

And for that, I want to thank you

Because even when I’m lying on the living room floor

I still know how to pick myself up

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