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sadtrashbag
sadtrashbag17 without a clue.
Autoplay OFF  •  a year ago
rambling incoherent self-absorbed trainwreck "poetry." 2 parts sort of.

boy(s)

i spilled too much of myself on the first go around

you weren't supposed to know any of my faults till it was much too late

and you were in too deep

i told you i was shaking anxious like the dog i am for you

put my tail in between my legs and call it quits for once and forever

i can't control the flow that erupts from my mess of a mouth and brain

all i should say runs off and hits me like a goddamn train

crushing any chance at you and a sense of happiness i'll ever get

you're gone now and i'm dry crying over your ghost that never laid beside mine

in the first place, i never touched you and that's just as well

cause i only manage to exist and feel in fantasy hell

mindfuck me, dreamfuck it, gotta learn to commit to not caring about anything

so i won't compare and drown a little in self-loathe

somebody give me a lifeboat

before i sink into my head completely

trying to cross an ocean to reach you

call me crazy baby, i think i like it when i bleed

metaphorically speaking so don't come and kill me please

i am the victim, villain of this

and you're just along for the ride

till i throw you off course and ruin this

i take it too seriously, get caught up in semantics

you're playing careless but it shouldn't be any other way

because i'm a twist of doubt and you're a twist of the knife

i put between my ribs in the first place

sorry you thought i was a safe bet darling

sorry you might've thought i would ease your troubles instead of creating them

who am i kidding? i'm giving it all too much credit--i second-guess myself into exhaustion

i have overblown, overdone it again

i need to let go

i can't let go

~~i wanna hear your voice again

but then i would have to shed my last strands of dignity

and even then it wouldn't work, wouldn't be worth it

might just like you for that accent anyway

trust me, darling, i don't want to be obsessed

i just can't shake the dream of you loose

you don't wanna hold on 'cause i'm getting on your nerves

bringing too much emotional baggage on board

that's fine i'll jump off this hypothetical boat metaphor for a hopeless non-relantionship too

and we'll both keep on throwing up our pride before we can ever truly swallow it

not that you'll ever give me a second thought while i continue to sink deeper into

Shakespearean tragedies i've created for us in my misguided, overly romantic head

and you sit and think of not me

and that's fine, i rested too much of my shaky sanity on you fixing me

on you feeling the same as me but lest we forget that i have a screw or two loose

this weird vanity/self-hate cocktail will be the pretty/ugly death of me

pretty certain you just wanted a virtual girl to kill time with

and not one that'll burden you with bullshit excuses and stay silent the other half of time

in fear of fucking it all up, guess i did anyway

so might as well say what's on my mind next time

these thoughts, my words, my actions are unbearable

so fuck it i'm just gonna be me no matter how much it hurts

no matter how much you hate it, how much it doesn't work

everything reminds me of you, even my own mind

and it hurts so bad but i gotta get a new lease on life

(final thoughts still revolving around me: you've seen too much to leave me now

but i'm always just relying on the unreliable)

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