NINE DAYS
NINE DAYS
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s0me0ne
s0me0ne Wordplay. Horseplay. Foreplay.
Autoplay OFF   •   25 days ago
I will be my mother's sole carer for nine days. I am, at once, excited but also absolutely terrified.

NINE DAYS

My entire adulthood.

I have watched.

Or more correctly, not watched.

My parents age from afar.

When my father died, I was nowhere.

As my mother's memories have faded.

I've been missing.

I have abdicated responsbilities.

To my siblings. Lived my life.

Contributed little.

For this, I feel guilt.

Sadness. But not regret.

I feel guilt for not feeling regret.

I know - at least I think I know.

That my parents would never have wanted me to feel that way.

They encouraged me to make my own life.

And I know they found pride in the life I made.

And I truly believe they were always strong enough to never really need me by their side.

But my mother is not strong anymore.

She is dependent.

Demented.

I feel guilt because I find this hard.

It is too easy to ignore. From afar. To displace reality with memories.

Happier memories. A preferable reality.

In coming days, circumstances as they are.

I must finally step up.

Face reality. Accept responsibilities.

I will be my mother's carer.

For nine days, she is my responsibility.

Solo.

I am terrified.

I am excited too. I miss her. I know I will cherish this time.

But quite frankly, I don't know if I'm up to it.

I'm scared I will fuck it up.

Nine days.

To not forget the things I must not forget.

Nine days.

To be there for all the time I was not there.

Nine days.

I dearly hope I will remember.

For all of the right reasons.

Nine days.

To care. To love. To repay.

To be a son that warrants pride.

In his presence, not his absence.

This is part of a series of pieces. I. Nine days https://commaful.com/play/s0me0ne/nine-days/ 2. Day one of nine https://commaful.com/play/s0me0ne/day-one-of-nine/ 3. Day two of nine https://commaful.com/play/s0me0ne/day-two-of-nine/ Love your mothers!

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