You have asked me so many times.
My heart beats faster because these lies are starting to weigh a pretty ton
And we all know I’m too small to carry any of that.
I am busy because each time I am with you your hands wander around my body,
And i wasn’t taught to say no.
All i heard was me rejecting you means me losing you,
And boy you feel heavenly,
So i can handle, right?
I am busy because I told you I wasn’t ready, that I didn’t want to do it,
But i somehow find myself pinned under you in bed,
With you telling me “It’s okay baby I have a condom”
As if that would clear my doubts,
Because me saying no is clearly the worst thing ever,
When you beg me to take off my clothes,
Just for a few minutes,
You just want to touch...
We won’t go far...
And still, they didn’t teach me to say no.
Every time i almost utter those words,
Society screams me into silence.
Society tells me that a man has needs and i must fulfil them,
Yet tomorrow i will be a whore.
Society tells me if i don’t open my legs and bounce on it,
He is going to get it from someone else.
So I am busy.
Busy avoiding being put in corners society won’t release me from.
Busy trying to protect myself from you, because I can not taint my body anymore,
I can not be a sex machine anymore.
Stop thinking that because we shared a smile
You’re now entitled to my body.
I hate being so busy.
Busy running away from you because today might be the day you force yourself on me,
Busy fearing that yet another woman will tell me that my body is the only thing of value on me that will make you love me,
Busy wishing this wasn’t my reality.