Uncle Dan
Uncle Dan undead stories
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royalt1662
royalt1662 Something new once or twice a month
Autoplay OFF   •   4 months ago
A little zombie tale that is quite comedic. A little juicy in parts but all enjoyable.

Uncle Dan

"Hey Uncle Dan, how wasted are you today?

" The two stoners sat on their patio, passing the fatty back and forth when Uncle Dan, a motorcycle enthusiast sat next to his bike, tinkering with delight.

"Not as high as you guys." He replied when he worked on the carburetor, switching between the flathead screwdriver and the S.A.E.

Wrenches with the bottle of peppermint schnapps that is sitting on the cracked concrete that is beside him.

The two stoners on the other hand are jerking off all day long, working at a part-time job which they are calling off work more than Uncle Dan can count on his fingers.

The two stoners passed the weed back and forth when Uncle Dan heard something about a broadcast of emergency that came across the channel before he turned it off on his bike.

Uncle Dan did not know their names when he almost finished the tinkering of his carburetor on his bike before he pulled it into his connecting garage, running the door down.

Uncle Dan had to get some sleep when one of them coughed behind him, followed by a giggle that came out of his gutter trap.

"That is some good shiiiiiiitttt, man.

" He bobbed his head back and forth when the smell of weed came over to where Uncle Dan is sitting at upon the concrete run with the blanket that is beneath his ass.

"You know that the school buses drive through here?" Uncle Dan looked at them when one of them looked into the sun that is coming up from the east with a dumb smile that crested on his face.

"I always wanted to drive the school bus - heh heh heh." He waited for the joint to come back to him when the other dropped the joint and he did not know that he dropped the joint to begin with.

He looked at his hand and giggled.

"We were so high that the joint vanished like Houdini, man." Uncle Dan shook his head when he kicked up the stand on his bike and wheeled it into the garage.

"Yeah and I didn't get-get a chance to toke it, man." The other said with a sadden expression that is dawning on his face.

"Why did you make it disappear, man?"

"I don't know but - whoa man...I am getting the munchies, man." He rubbed his stomach with a dim smile.

That is when they saw a raggedy man that is stumbling down the road when they both looked at him.

"Man." One of the stoners looked at him with a ditsy smile.

"That dude is majorly hitting the bong, man." That is when they saw the whites in his eyes and the expression of nothing that is on his scarred and bluish face.

"That must have been some good fucking weed, man.

" He kept stumbling down the road when a jogger started to come the opposite way when the stumbling man got excited by seeing the jogger when he stumbled faster towards him.

The jogger is lost in his own mind, not seeing the stumbling man when it is too late.

The stumbling man attack,

ripping the throat out of the jogger when the two stoners did not make an attempt of running when they only looked at the stumbling man eating the jogger with blood splattering all over

the road and the guts that came out of the jogger's neck.

"Whoa dude!" The one stoner giggled with his hand upon his stomach.

"That dude had some serious munchies, man."

"Yeah he has some wicked munchies, man." He patted the other on his shoulder.

"Let's go see if we can get more money from your moms, man." They got up from the lawn chairs with one of them accidentally kicking the lawn chair over.

The stumbling man is busy having his man-sandwich when the sirens erupted in the distance, following by the distant booming of gunfire that is coming from the direction from town.

Uncle Dan paid no mind to what is going on after with all the blinds closed and all the windows closed as well. He turned on the T.V.

,

channeling over the news which is a load of bull piss when he got to the Sci-Fi Channel that is showing an old black and white movie that is about some people journeying to the center of

the earth to witness the civilization of "Mole People". Uncle Dan drifted off to sleep. Then he woke up with the sun on the other side of his house.

The fridge kicked on in the kitchen when he heard the sound of a shotgun blast that happened three houses over when he realized it is Crazy Pete shooting his boom gun at a couple

of squirrels with game loads. Uncle Dan wiped the sleep from his eyes when slow shadows of two people went across his blind covered windows when he went to the bathroom to take a pee.

After he is finished he came out of the bathroom and sat down, looking at the bottle that is on the floor with the cap unscrewed.

"The power is off again?

" Uncle Dan felt more relieved of sleep when he got up, not feeling of going to the bathroom when he walked down the hallway,

arriving to the living room when he heard the sound of crickets that are playing their mating calls outside.

The yard lights are off outside when he remembered the flashlight that is on his buffet table when he fumbled around to grab that. He got the flashlight and turned it on.

He watched his steps that are leading to the kitchen when he opened the fridge door with the light being off when he closed the door.

He opened the door that leads to the garage when he looked at his bike that is sitting in the stall with his Dodge Ram Supercharger that is sitting in the other stall.

He had to change the plugs in that truck before winter when he scanned the flashlight around the garage before closing the door.

He did not hear the rattle of something up against the garage door when he walked back to the living room to fetch his cell phone that is on the table that is next to his recliner,

knocking the small maintenance books all over the floor when he turned it on and waited for the screen to boot up.

When it did his screen blew up with all kinds of messages that are explaining from various people on where the hell he is?

Some of them look to be concerning with one of them who's his best friend texted with a message: you need to watch the news. It is extremely urgent.

Get your gun and stay at your home until further notice.

Uncle Dan shook his head when he texted him back, not getting a message after five minutes when Uncle Dan realized that he is on cellular data and not on his Wi-Fi connection.

He got on his mobile web browser to his local news when he came to some odd statements that are printed there digitally: Mass murder happening in the Midwest; Thousands of people are

under attack by cannibals showing no sign of remorse; local police contacting the state on the matters that is showing up across the tri-state area.

Stay inside your homes unless absolutely necessary!

"What the hell?" Uncle Dan scoffed when he concluded it to be a prank.

He researched the national news and they are saying the same resolve of cannibals in New York and in California attacking people on sight.

It is on the first page he comes to when Uncle Dan looked away from his phone and set it on the table when he thought with his mind going back to the prank that is only just a prank.

It has to be a prank, it has to be.

The phone screen dimmed out when he heard nothing outside his windows with the blinds pulled and all the lights off in the neighborhood.

He sat there, looking in the darkness when he felt like he did not want any sleep on this night.

He waited for the dawn which came faster when he finally went to sleep around 3:10 in the morning.

When he woke up he saw the sunlight through the blinds when he tried to remember last night when he looked at the phone that on the table next to him.

The books are all over the floor when he sees the shadow of something walk past it when he got up to take a peek around the blind.

It is one of the dopers but something is wrong with him.

He is stumbling around more than drunk when Uncle Dan looks at the condition of his clothes and the blood that is dried on his loose flannel shirt.

The blood ran up to his neck when the doper kid looks really screwed up and in complacent.

A vehicle came rumbling up the road which is the car of...no, it cannot be.

It is the crazy, narcissistic kid that lives down at the two-story house with his mother that cannot untie the apron strings around his neck.

He is playing some heavy metal music really loud when he is whooping and hollering when he screeched the car to a halt when the doper kid looked at the car,

walking towards it with his arms outstretched. The kid jumped out of the car.

"This is the best day of my life!" He laughed when he pulled out the gun and leveled it to the doper's head.

"Bye-bye, Frankie;" He shot Frankie in the head when the bullet disintegrated the backside of his head when Uncle Dan jumped back from the window,

looking at the phone on the end table when he ran to the phone, turned it on and dialed 911.

Uncle Dan only got a phone disconnect signal when he wondered what in the name of god is going on when a few more shots boomed outside.

He ran to the window when the crazy kid pointed the gun at two more that are coming up Uncle Dan's yard when he fired what looks like a Colt .

45 when the slide locked back, signaling that the gun is empty.

"I plan to kill you all again.

The world is better without you bitches!

" He pressed the button to release the magazine from the gun, throwing the empty into the car and putting a fully loaded magazine into the Colt,

pressing the slide release lever as the gun closed. He shot both of them in the head, killing them.

"Come get me!" He laughed and whooped when he dropped back into his car again and fired up the engine.

More came out of the shadows with guttural moans and growls when the kid laughed when he peeled out of there while the rest of them followed like a herd of daft people that are moving

too damn slow to catch up with that car.

"Holy shit," Uncle Dan moved away from the window when he sat down in the chair, daring not to look outside when he realized that he does not have a gun.

He sold it last summer when he looked at the blinds on his windows when he realized that being in here is safer - for now.

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