Artizi asked: What do you feel is the worse kind of betrayal, the hardest one to forgive? -@artizi
I do not know what the answer to your question is.
So let's figure it out, yeah?
In Part 1 we talked about trauma and what it does to your body and psyche. We finished by saying we would talk about delusion.
So, we will figure out what the connection is between delusion and Artizi's question "Which betrayal is hardest to forgive?"
Let's set some ground rules before we dive into this, otherwise, we'll end up strangled with our tongues hanging out.
"PUAI" are you there?
（ • • ） ┏━━━∪∪━━∪∪━━┓ Yes, Boss. What's up? ┗━━━━━━━━━━┛
Can I get a white board in here please?
（ • • ） ┏━━━∪∪━━∪∪━━┓ Can't you just use a piece of paper? ┗━━━━━━━━━━┛
Do you want to go back to creating Captchas for sports betting websites?
(°ロ°) ┏━━━∪∪━━∪∪━━┓ ... ┗━━━━━━━━━━┛
Thank you, I appreciate that.
Let's figure out what delusion is first:
Note: We are not trying to figure out the "ultimate" truth.
Note: We simply need a model of the "truth" that is good enough.
Note: Good enough for what? Good enough to help us be more positive about life.
Note: Why positive? Positive equals empowered, empowered equals fun.
The triangle symbol is called Delta and it means = "Difference"
The previous graphic says that if your expectations are not in accordance to reality, you are faced with a large amount of delusion.
Your expectations about life are like the energy settings on your phone...
(¬_¬) ┏━━━∪∪━━∪∪━━┓ this is making no sense... ┗━━━━━━━━━━┛
(●_●) ┏━━━∪∪━━∪∪━━┓ what?! NO! ┗━━━━━━━━━━┛
As I was saying... expectations are like the energy settings. If you don't set them up correctly, you'll run out of battery and die.
In this case your battery is your ability to remain optimistic which is not just a matter of courage or will power.
In order to be truly optimistic, we need a model of the world which accounts for betrayal as a positive and necessary element for growth.
To answer Artizi's question: The most difficult kind of betrayal to forgive is:
The one you need the most.
The one you need the most.
Before we go into why betrayal is good, we need to make a VERY important distinction.
If a person is in "chaos", in pain, in midst of suffering, that is not the time to try to see the positive side of life.
There is a time to curse, to blame and to scream that everything is shit.
There is a time to hate the world and curse every single being that walks on it.
Including pandas and penguins...
I can not fucking believe that there is a Gif with a Panda and a Penguin on it...
I love this world.... 0.o
So, anyway. There is a time in which you need to feel pure and undiluted rage and anger, before you can move on to forgiveness.
One of the reasons we get stuck on trauma, particularly the emotion of fear... is because fear can only be released through hate.
If you can not get yourself to consciously feel hate towards the person who did something to you
You will not be able to position yourself in a place where you can admit your own responsibility in the matter and heal.
Most people in this site will have a very difficult time accepting that they feel hate towards someone.
There are two reasons for that which we can talk about: 1. High percentage trait in agreeableness as part of their personality (DNA)
Agreeableness is a willingness to solve problems in a non-confrontational way. Too much agreeableness is bad, it makes you weak.
If a person is not able to get more comfortable with confrontation, they stop saying what they want to say and become resentful.
Resentful will eat you from the inside and turn you into a very nasty and destructive person.
This is why betrayal is a very good thing... not right after it happens, but once we get strong enough to start taking person responsibility.
This is not about blaming yourself or the other person. Blame would mean that there is not a positive aspect of betrayal. And there is.
What betrayal does is, it helps you calibrate your energy settings. It cleans your glasses so that you can see better.
The reason you experience a betrayal which completely wrecks your life, is, more often than not, because you refused to see the truth.
We hold on to our believes and view of the world in order function. We are always looking for a way to avoid changing our believes.
Because changing our believes (growing) is painful. Growing requires trauma.
But trauma can also be small and manageable. Like if you go to the gym and lift weights.
You create small trauma which heals in a few days and makes you strong.
Let's use a better example: When you posted your VERY first story on commaful, you probably experienced some sort of small trauma.
Because you faced something new. But you moved on VERY quickly, because you faced the trauma willingly.
The key word is: WILLINGLY The kind of trauma which fucks us up, occurs when we are not willing to grow
and willingly face our fear. We delay and postpone that pain because it seems much bigger than it actually is.
It's like a damn which fills up with water and one day collapses and you go:
(●_●) ┏━━━∪∪━━∪∪━━┓ DAMN IT!!!!! ┗━━━━━━━━━━┛
So, as you can imagine, it is a complex subject, but I hope that this piece managed to bring some clarity without complicating it. (too much)
I am very thankful for your time and as I said before: Leave me your comments suggestions, complaints, random thoughts, love, hate or anything you want in the comments below.
White board and math examples: Hate? Love? Don't give a fuck?
PUAI (Preferably Unnamed Artificial Intelligence) Love it? Hate it? Keep it hell? Bring it back?
Cute bears Gifs? Same questions
Want to be featured? Give me your toughest question!
@Artizi: Please rate your level of satisfaction regarding this answer. 0-10
if it's bellow 9, tell me which parts were not clear or where I need to spend more time
I only like sticking my NOSE where I am needed...
that was a close one...