He woke up, bedspread covered in sweat. Three seconds of bliss followed by dread.
It soon comes to wonder, if it'll ever stop hurting. It's how a town would feel, if it was being plundered.
At some point it's surprising, shocking even, how can pain be so persistent? it's almost admirable...
But appreciation fades away when self-pity takes over your inner city
There is something else to it which I did not expect.
It's not just your own suffering which is hard to bear. As soon as you realize that, you can't be there for those you care about.
You are angry at yourself for not being strong enough to stand there for those you love
But it's not because you are such a good guy...
It's coming face to face with your own vulnerability.
Soon after you start to wonder about past tragedies.
Those were bad enough, even unbearable at the time, but...compared to these ones?
How many times did you cross paths with another human who was suffering a tragedy much like the one you encountered two months ago?
Maybe you were annoyed at how "not kind enough" they were in your interactions.
That thought alone is enough to keep you busy for a while...
Maybe you are a horrible person. After all, if you weren't this tragedy would have never hit you this terribly. Right?
I don't know.
When confronted with tragedy, how do you decide whether you are doing well, or whether you are being terribly weak and useless?
You could always ask others, but we all experience things differently and you might not want to know the truth, whatever that may be.
So what do you do? Do you try to ignore it? Seek help, dive into your work, drink/smoke, seek help, what?!
Is there a procedure that one can take part in whenever we land ourselves in a situation in which not even suicide is good enough for redemption?
I wonder how he did it... when mom died... I was too young to remember the details, but he somehow knew what he needed to do.
It also didn't seem to me like he spent a lot of time pondering and wondering about what course of action to take.
He would either work or take me sailing with him...
Now that I think about it, I always felt safe whenever we went out sailing.
There was something about him, his level of competence and humility which had a calming and uplifting effect.
A flashback reveals a small box tucked away in one of the "corners" of the Boat.
He reaches out to a small key hanging from his neck and we can see a "light bulb" coming up on his head. A moment of clarity.
A possible clue. A place in which to find answers.
Letter 1: If you found these letters, I suppose you are not doing well. I'm sorry I can't be there for you, but I was never good with words anyway.
You shouldn't be sorry either, because everything I had to teach you, you already know. I raised you in the best way that I knew how. You can tell right from wrong, and as you go into the world, remember always to do right.
If you are in the middle of a storm, sometimes the only thing you CAN do is stand. Hold on to the line, and do not let it go, no matter what. Do NOT fall off the boat, because you might not ever make it back up.
Letter 2: If you do fall into the water, get out of it as soon as possible. And if you can't, pray. If you think praying is silly, you should count yourself as lucky because it merely means you have not encountered real tragedy.
But if you are praying, know that I am with you. And so is your grandfather and his father and his father. We are all there with you. You do not need to know everything or do things on your own. You may always call upon us to assist you.
Letter 3: If tragedy has not occurred yet, you might want to know that it WILL happen sooner or later. You should know that the way you act today determines how you will act on the day that the tragedy falls. That's Judgment Day, and every day is Judgment Day.
Think back on how you felt when we sailed together. Remember how I taught you that humility was the result of prostrating yourself to the sea and it's will while having the courage to command your boat
Do your best to remember that while you swing from fear to anger. And when the storm finally passes, and you find yourself in the belly of the whale, that's when the lessons begin to emerge.
That will be the time to realize that storms are a part of life and not a reason to stop living right.