The problem of lying has become quite clear over the past three years
I have seen and suffered through the damage that lies can cause.
People I cared about deeply who caused harm to themselves and those around by doing things they knew to be wrong
But scariest of all was the willingness to look away and pretend that things are perfectly fine
Once able to see clearer, fear took over when I realized my character was insufficient, should another tragedy occur
That is when I started to build an "Ark"
I realize now that it is to the credit of the stories within the Bible that our society became rich enough to think them primitive
Suffering is not the pain that occurs when chaos engulfs your life, but the realization of role you played in your demise
I have seen people I love commit atrocious acts towards themselves, to the point of suicide.
It is humbling to know how far death is from being the worst thing that can happen.
To realize the power which undeveloped potential has to destroy, makes your personal growth into a job
It was through willingly facing a larger trauma, that I was able to strengthen myself to face the previous
Which was a desperate and counter-intuitive move that is still paying dividends
I had split myself in two. One part dwelled in fear and resentment, and the other was looking for ways to get stronger.
Then the second part saved the first and now they are integrating again
Around this time, I rediscovered mythology, religion, and began to write poetry.
The only reason I talk about the Bible, is because it's my culture and these stories have proven to be USEFUL and sophisticated
For reasons I won't get into right now, I began a practice of "Radical Truth," (This started about five months ago)
I wanted to figure out: Why won't we tell the truth and willingly assume all of the responsibility?
So far, what I am learning is that the path to freedom requires that we make ourselves a willing servant
That's the discovery of work
As such, you have no rights, only duties. And you are not free to do with your life as you please, nor can you get away with anything
Life becomes black & white, and unless you understand the meaning underneath, you won't sit through that kind of "suffering".
I am also learning to leave others the fuck alone.
Because at any given point, I can focus on the thing that I want, or what someone else is doing
And the latter doesn't produce anything, so why bother?
Then he said, "May the Lord not be angry, but let me speak just once more. What if only ten can be found there?"
He answered, "For the sake of ten, I will not destroy it."
Genesis 18:16-33 Abraham pleads for Sodom