Stuck inside with no out a way out or is he(im) the way out?
For I have been stuck in a never ending loop of needing/wanting a fantasy which to others wouldn't even be nearly considered a "fantasy" for others its already a reality but for I it seems to
be something that I've always been chasing but as if im a rabbit chained to be in one spot with a carrot over my head to keep running and running and running but no matter how fast
or slow I run I stay in the same place. The same place i wish on to escape when I see a shooting star.
That wish being the exact thing that a chained elephant in the ringling brother circus wants to be.
The exact thing the Titians, Zeus and his siblings exiled for a entirety want to be
The exact thing a innocent black man accused of a crime wants to be.
The exact thing the soldiers of this country fight for us.
All being the Exact thing I wish to be
And that is to be free
To be free doesn't mean to be free as I have been uncuffed after being in jail for 20 years.
To be free means after being locked up for those 20 years I am finally a free man, but not just any free man but a man who's been freed.
Freed of all problems finically, emotionally physically mentally spiritually and literally.
That is my wish. But this isn't a fairy tale where I can just pick up start a new adventure leave and go to never land and fly.....
how can I do that when in order to fly in Neverland you need to be able to believe which is hard already because I barely believe in myself as is.
Freed from the loud voice of the subconscious telling me all the things I don't want to hear but isnt that my fault since it my body and thoughts?? Basically meaning its my fault.
But how is it my fault when that's exactly what I want to NOT HAPPEN??
its like my heart could say something my mind could say another but the subconscious is what really adds water to the boiling hot oil.
with me being the oil and subconscious water the chemical reaction is not something pleasant.......
Adding water to something you'd think it cools it down but in this case it just makes things worst making things feel like a nuclear power plant, moments before the disaster of Chernobyl happened.....