I was given the task to feed the dogs, take out the rubbish and clean up the dog matter scattered around the garden..... Some inside information : we have 5 dogs, 1 being a Great Dane that has a fully functional excretion tract.
When it came around to start the shoveling, I noticed that the turds were planted in a perfect semi circle around the house, a “Ring of Fire” if you will or like a moat around a castle, even better, land mines ready to destruct.
With great hesitation and at this stage with 3 or 4 mounds in the bucket, I looked up and saw the Dane hunched over like a question mark, producing more bowel excrements. With a sigh of frustration, I wanted to leave that particular mound till last, hoping the sun would dry it out like the others. Or maybe it would somehow vanish, but wishful thinking to say the least.
When finally I came around to it, majority of Africa’s flies were swarming the pile like vultures. But flies that were literally the size of five rand coins. Not to mention the horrendous stench. I braved it and took a deep breath and went in with the spade.
Only to be abruptly halted by one of those steroidal flies. It flew in my mouth. Directly into my buccal cavity. With a series of outrage and spluttering’s of forced coughing, I dropped the spade and bucket and fought for my life.
I looked towards the house hoping mom would be on the phone to the EMT’s or some sort of ambulance or maybe an escort via helicopter. Instead what I saw was my mom with my sister in convulsive hysterics. No concern. No sympathy.
Simply raw humor for them. Whilst I had to Heimlich maneuver myself. Spitting and heaving left as my only defense mechanism. Life was flashing right before my very eyes. And that was this mornings incident. Thanks Mom and Han