Baptism suicidal stories

rmarissalee Community member
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
I thought about suicide for a long time in my younger years. This poem illustrates my attempt before choosing to start anew. If you or someone you know ever contemplates suicide, always know you are loved, you are important, you are intentional.



I was raised knowing that to be baptised is the old you being put to rest

And coming up a new being

There are days she doesn't feel like getting up

Days when she wonders what is her purpose for taking up so much space

She knows the song she wants played at her funeral

And the flowers she wants laid on her grave

She paints on a smile for the world, always sitting in the back or a corner

So many thoughts run through her head

The what ifs, the why nots, the haves and the have nots

But you wouldn't expect that from a girl so joyful

To gather at her wake and say "not her, not so soon, not like this"

But this was a day she has been anticipating

The day that the Lord renews her strength

The day she mounts up with wings as eagles, flying towards a daffodil sky

Even though her first choice is sunflowers

They say those who joke a lot, go through just as much

And maybe she got sick of the same old punchlines

The same damage, the same routine, nothing ever changing

But that day, she stepped out her rut

That day she filled the tub with iced water and held her head under the surface

It was so cold... but she waited

Her chest started burning, lungs begging for air, but she waited

When the pain faded, she could feel her wings coming in

As her life flashed before her, she took a hard look at herself

Never had she seen a frown hang so low, or a burden so heavy

But said pain is being washed away; the world paused

Her soul stands over herself knowing she has a choice

A choice to save herself...

You know they say when you're baptized, you come up a new being

© 2017 Baptism, Creation of R. Marissa Lee

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