Saying thank you for breaking my heart is something I never thought I would say. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life, but it taught me so much.
When I first met you, I knew I wanted you. I wanted you more than you wanted me I think. Looking back on it now, I always expressed how much I cared for you, you did not do it as often.
That was hard for me since I was always wondering if I was actually important to you, or if I was just someone who was always there.
Our relationship from the start was rocky and had red flags that I always would ignore.
Maybe I should've listened since then I wouldn't have got hurt, but I could never of predicting what happened to happen. For the first couple of months, things were "good".
I was always with him, but I missed out on doing so many things with my friends.
Whenever I did hang out with my friends, I was always made to feel like I was doing something wrong, but whenever he left to go to a girl's room, I had no right to be upset.
I had no problem with him hanging out with friends.
I had a problem with the lack of respect from the girls he was hanging out with and with him since he did not see how them being all over him, physically, was a problem.
One girl showed me zero respect and I knew what was going on, even if he says nothing was there, cause present-day everything makes sense now.
I let myself get hurt time and time again because I was so in love with him. When we "broke up" everything changed because of what he told me. Everyone knew that we were still a thing.
I was always in his room. Still kissed him. Slept in his bed. Everything we used to do when we were dating. The only thing that changed was the label.
He says that everything would have been different if I just got back together with him, he would have been different.
I made it clear to him that if he wanted to date again, he needed to prove that what he said to me wasn't true.
I still remember it clearly and how my heart broke when he said: "part of me wishes I never asked you out that night on the picnic tables.
" That was something I could not let go of and wanted him to prove that it was not true. Instead, he did the opposite. He lead me to believe that he loved me.
He said he did, but the way he acted is not how you act when love someone. He would leave me crying in his room while he went to see the other girl.
Whenever we had a fight instead of fixing it, he would blame everything on everything else but his actions.
He would go talk to the other girl rather than talking to me about fixing our problems. He would go to her room late at night. He would try to make me seem like everything was my fault.
Now I was no angel, and if I communicated better about how I felt things might have been different, but I was scared. I was so scared to get back together with him and get hurt.
I mean either way I got hurt. I gave this one boy everything and was always there for him. When I needed him he rarely came to see me. This one boy I let break me.
I loved him so much and he never cared. Now present day, he went to the girl he told me not to worry about. That hurt so much. I felt my heartbreaking when I figured out what was happening.
I loved him, and I wanted to be with him, and he broke my heart just because I wasn't there over the summer. We didn't live near each other.
Right before school ended he got in an accident and again that was the perfect excuse to use for why things went wrong.
When you love someone though, an accident does not change how you feel about them.
He sent me a text saying how much he loved me and missed me, but when we got to school and talked again blamed it on the accident and that's why things changed. That is not why things changed.
They changed because he did not want to put in the effort to make our relationship work. He knew that I was too good for him. I have goals in life and a job.
He was the opposite of me in that sense. I knew we would not last forever because we were so different. He knows that I am going to go somewhere in life.
I knew that being with someone who didn't like to accept responsibility and cared more about having a good time than being with one person, was not good for me.
In a way, I set myself up for heartbreak, but I really thought he loved me. Now I am not too sure if he did. What I am sure of is that he broke me, heart.
He took everything I gave him and threw it out the door for someone who is completely different than me.
I wanted what was best for him, I didn't want to see him fail, I can't say the same for her. That is his problem now. He had a good thing and let it go.
I need to thank him though for breaking my heart. He taught me a lot of lessons. Most of them I never thought I would have to go through, but I did, and it made me a stronger person.
I do not always see it, but I can feel it. I can feel myself getting stronger. I needed him to hurt me the way he did to show me what I deserve in my life and what I don't deserve.
I deserve someone who only wants me. Someone who thinks the world of me. Someone who wants to hang out with me and see me do good.
I gave all my love to someone, and they wanted to use it to make themselves feel better and did not care about who they were hurting. I do not hate him. A part of me will always love him.
He was my first love. He broke my heart, but he was an important person to me at some point and I am thankful for that.
Having a broken heart made me change for the better and I am so thankful for that.