Love
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reimei
reimei I make art with words and feelings ✨
Autoplay OFF   •   5 months ago
A collection of my feelings

Love

by reimei

“Love”, I think, is supposed to look like pretty pink skies and smell like tropical sunscreen

It sounds like pop music on the radio and like your laughter in the neighborhood park

In my earlier more carefree years I thought this was so

I guess I’ve had a taste of what “love” is

But to me it’s more the sound of my heart screaming, the feeling of a mountain inside my throat, and the coldness of my quivering hands

The counting of my mother’s strikes as they land on my back

The fighting and kicking, despite knowing through it all that my best interests are at hand

I whisper alone to myself that I’ll never let anyone step over me again

But then I unconsciously allow me to do it on myself all over once more

My heart seems to aches less as I let the warmth of another linger against mine too many times to count

But they are only temporary pleasures

I find my heart yearning

For what I do not know

We lay on each other in the backseat of our parents’ car

I go through the motions and do as I’m told

But I don’t feel a single thing

Not even when you show up on my doorstep

Or pet me on my pretty head

That knows too much and would rather be dead

I still feel the clench of my throat against the force of your hand

And the words you spoke that night that sliced through my heart

My hands claw for the sharp outline of my collarbone, my wrist, my jaw

Desperate to feel valid, feel in control, feel enough

But this jumble of thoughts I can’t speak into words

I just stare blankly on ahead, as emotionless as a dead man can be

I sense a trickle down my chin and am surprised when I wipe it wet

I don’t know how long I’ve felt this way, alone in my head

I know that happiness needs to come within

That no one can take it for myself but me

But I cannot seem to grasp it, too far, too brilliant out of reach

Perhaps my scar-riddled heart and outstretched arms just aren’t deserved enough to feel those shining rays

But baby won’t you stay a while with me?

Under the burning light of this afternoon sky

Where no one will bother us unless they try to find

This perfect sanctity of just you and I

For a while we can lay and listen to the birds’ coo

I take your arm and wrap myself in it tight

But when I leave, kiss him for me, won’t you?

Darling he deserves to be loved by more than just I

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