sometimes she thinks about what would be if she wasn't so in control of herself.
what would be if she did what her friends do,
being young and loud and unapologetic
until they are crammed in the back of a police car.
what she would /lose/ if she dared to be that version of herself
the girl that is up for anything
who will drink to swipe her mind and use the bottle as a free pass.
who will kiss nameless, countless boys and girls
uncaring of the hearts that break,
uncaring of what is at stake
sometimes she thinks about what would change
if she abandoned the exoskeleton of rules that she has built
the shell of /don'ts/, of /thinks/,
of /you would nevers/.
is it holding her back?
perhaps it is.
but from what?