its the only thing that’s been on my mind lately, and it’s horrible. mostly because i’ve been telling everyone it doesn’t exist. does it? i look around and i’m not sure if i see it.
maybe we make too big a deal about love. maybe it’s not that important to love.
maybe we waste most of our lives trying to find that one person to love, when in the meantime we could have been loving dozens of people. but i guess no one wants to love a dozen people.
every time you love, don’t you give up a piece of your heart? surrender something so special, so irreplaceable to someone, so they understand what they mean to you? but a heart is just an organ.
it pumps blood. it doesn’t feel any emotions. love is all mental, psychological. love is all in the memories.
when we give a piece of our heart to someone, doesn’t it stay with them for a long time? isn’t that why it’s so hard to heal those wounds?
they have a piece of your heart, and we have their memories.
memories of them laughing, of them talking and smiling and them kissing you and their voice when its near your ear, and the way your whole body shakes with happiness because you’re near them.
and for a moment, or maybe two, you remember this second of them, this simple action that billions of people do every day..
and your breath hitches, your eyes close and for a second, just one second, you’re happy. but then you open your eyes, and realize that it was just a memory. a memory.
it’s a moment that may never repeat itself, and suddenly it is so much more important to you. but then you remember that that person this memory is of, just simply, does not care anymore.
he or she is gone. their memory lingers in the darkest corners of your brain yet their presence, their existence, their scent and their smile have disappeared.
sometimes i wonder why it is so easy for people to leave. if it’s so easy, did they ever care at all? they couldn’t have too deeply.
while i love fully and with all my heart, is it fair to put so much effort into people that don’t find me worth the time or effort?
well the correct answer is no, but one thing i’ve learned is that life isn’t fair. it will continuously fuck you over.
we can do two things: sink into perpetual depression and let life make you miserable, or fight back, and find things to appreciate every day just to spite life.