What have you done? I used to be able to look in the mirror and see your ocean eyes looking back at me You could be three hundred miles away and one laugh and I'd know where you had been and where you were going
And now you could be in my arms And still out of reach
Do I deserve better than taking care of a boy who only ever took care of himself? Or should I look into the eyes of a stranger and tell the corpse of the man I once loved that it'll be okay?
Give him another breath of oxygen Even if it's my last
You took everything from me I thought you would stop after you stole my heart, so I smiled and let you But that didn't satisfy you, did it?
You needed my money, my independence, my freedom, my virginity, my smile Until all I needed were white little pills
But this isn't about me I don't need you to love me Not anymore I need you to love yourself
Because if it comes to choosing to love me or you? I'd choose you everytime And that's not a choice I can live with
So put the bottle down, dammit Put down the pills I know you're hurting right now, baby And it's breaking me inside
So let me hold you like I used to So you can take a deep breath that isn't of smoke Where's the boy I used to love? I'd charge you with kidnapping, but apparently losing yourself is legal
They can't see beyond the mask anymore My parents and my sister and my friends all tell me to run "He hurt you, he changed, he's no good" "He's addicted to drugs, he cheated on you" These are all truths
You hurt me, and you changed You became addicted to drugs And you slept with a girl you knew for three hours Two days after you told me you loved me and promised you had changed
But there are more truths Truths that become harder to deny when I dream of you every night Lying under the city lights Remembering the days we promised we'd spend the night in the city that never sleeps, together
My best friend laughs so hard he can't breathe He kisses my forehead, just because he can We paint rocks in the sun, because they too deserve to be colorful And wade in the lake, holding on to summer
My best friend leaves the party to dance on the porch with me under the stars He wraps me in fuzzy blankets when I cry We go to fancy stores to try on all the clothes we can't afford And he tells me I look pretty in yellow
My best friend tells me he wants to take me to Paris one day He dreams of a life far away from his own We dance on the streets as the rain pours And he kisses me on cobblestone
My best friend tells me things he's never told anyone before He whispers promises of a future We make love under the trees And when I open my eyes, he's staring at me like I hung the stars
My best friend is the best person I know He smiles like he's not depressed We fight against this wicked wicked world together And when I look at him, I know we'll make it
My best friend raises his little brother himself He loves him like his own son We pretend that we're a family, just the three of us And when we're driving in his car with the radio on, I believe it
These are the truths I refuse to let become past tense These are the truths of the man you used to be, the man who I still see
I always told you I knew you better than you knew yourself If there's any part of you that still cares for me Take that care, and heed my last wish:
Don't let these truths become past tense
To all my followers who are still here after three years: thank you. thank you for letting me share my diary on this account, from when I was a teenager in high school, to now that I'm an adult. What I've learned is that heartbreak and healing are always hard, whether you're 15, 18, 50. All we can do is share our story, and keep breathing.
This poem is completely unedited, and just raw emotion and thoughts. I am in no way supporting the idea that anyone should be responsible for the drug abuse of another. The sad truth is that no one can force another to take care of themselves. We can only do our best. <3