I'm not a spoken word artist by any means, and barely a broke-in poet but if I was to pretend being one for about a minute
I might tell you about my career because even though I'm here
with you, I'm still there
most of the time...
in fact, I have about 5 channels of attention playing in my head
so excuse my attention span
when I'm with you because
I'm still with them.
I'm with my clients most of the time,
and as much as I'm paid, it's till not enough
to rent all the space
they take up in my mind.
I'm a young therapist, hearing voices. I'll admit it. I hear voices
that don't tip an audiology scale
but nevertheless are still real
they're there and very present with me
all the stories that are trusted to me...
I hear...Don't you hear that?
I hear voices...the VOICES, and voices; and NOISES
the echoes of trauma and the ghosts of pain
I'm a haunted woman with a hopeful theme
because if the cost is too much, then the cause isn't great
so this must be the cause of my life because it costs everything
I'm in pain, I got pains of my own and collect others to spare.
I pick them up in-office and everywhere
because I"m in the soma - the body/mind/soul plane
I hear what's NOT said by words or face
because those things can lie
but the body tells things
that I never forget, while I help them forgive.
I have ghost pains. Pan that's not there.
Not pain that's not real; but pain from things that
never hurt me...personally...
but are hurting me now
I have the ghosts of pains borne by kids with no parents
who were trained not to trust by abuse in the system
Memories not mine. Fears that aren't fair.
the 90-year ache of loneliness past my years.
Yeah, I come to tears, about hourly most weekdays
because my heart is open, my calendar's full
and I'm here to change things.
I have ghost pain. I have pain form the only Ghost who's Holy,
driving me on to see my dreams
manifest this healing that I daily affirm my belief in.
I'm a dealer in hope who's hopelessly lost herself in a sea of need
against a cliff of lack - but I'll fill the gap...I'll fill it with me.
That's the intercessor's creed. Cause if someone has to step on my heart to get free,
then so be it.
Ghost pains and feelings, wake up in this body daily and toss what's not yours;
and sort out the horrors. Who's shit is this? Courntertransference?
Bitch, please! how about counteracting hope
at this point, that's all I know to keep doing what I'm doing and
do it well, with love despite the exhaustion of compassion
or burnout that hovers,
on my 6 - on the weekly, I can't move these covers.
Two mornings a month - I call in. I can't be there for others.
Some days, so full of ache from the others before.
A young therapist, hearing voices,
when the 'experts' afield say that I dream too big.
"You're burning to fast, calm down with it kid.
You can't fight the system."
Are you hearing this shit?!
because I hear the voice of the critic, and ignore it. Everytime.
Young therapist, hearing voices, having ghost pains, seeing noises.
Yeah, I see noises, because alarms go off when I analyze movements and body postures
that tell terrible stories that I can't shut off.
Cause I've been dancing with the chidlren,
I've been dancing with the elders,
I've danced with refugees who are more than ailing homeless.
And all those stories hurt because commitment in my word
and partnering with you means you're in charge of change
and if you don't want to dance, that's perfectly okay.
I'll just tell you a story about some one some day.
"Once upon a time there was a young prince who slept through the night..."
read you a prophecy wrapped in a fairy-tale.
I see you in the future when you're looking/doing well.
I hear voices and feel the echoes of all the stories I'm told.
It hurts and disperses, but I don't forget.
All the pain and neglect hurts down to my stomach chakra.
All the horrors of war hurting my shoulders
and the terrors of valored efforts put ice picks through my heart.
As a young therapist who feels like this, just starting out - I get it now.
Just a little but, I think I get it.
Why clients dissociate, disconnect body/mind/soul, cause all three are in pain.
Why clinicians burn out hard; some stay crackle-charred, cause they're hope had to wait.
My hope deferred, but I'll keep the faith. Pay off my loans while I cash in my dreams.
Take my bi-monthly days to call in and just breathe.
I hear all the voices...but I'll keep listening.