Loneliness. True loneliness is a hard thing to describe, especially to one who has never felt it before.
How do you explain how you can feel alone, isolated, even with a crowd of people around you? I'm not even sure how to explain it to myself, if I'm being honest.
It's like a numbness that creeps up on you when you're not expecting it. It locks you up in your own mind and puts up bars so you can look out but not leave.
Sounds are softer, colors are duller, the world is not as sharp, and even your own thoughts are alien. It hinders you from seeking help.
It isolates you and then punishes you as if it was your fault in the first place. Sometimes the loneliness, and the sadness that comes with it makes me angry.
And then, sometimes the loneliness is a comfort. A refuge from all those around me that condemn without knowing the whole story. I retreat to the bars and stand there.....and sigh from relief.
Maybe loneliness isn't all that bad...once you get to know it.