Hearts were pounding, tears were falling, and anger was flaming.
"How can you just throw it all away like I am nothing but a piece of trash? Please for once, just for once be true to yourself and let me know, why are we here?
" I asked, why starting at her face on a 2x4 inch mobile screen.
With deep breaths and amidst the sobbing, I heard the words I knew I would hear but never wanted to.
"Because I don't feel anything for us anymore." She said.
I wanted to fight again, push myself in, let her remember the things we did and what we have been through. But something stopped me.
All I could muster to say was "For the next person that steals your heart, please be open to him, please! You are beautiful than you know you are.
Smile with your radiance and the next one is surely the luckiest"
No goodbyes, no take cares, no anything. We just stopped talking, I just stopped fighting.
Days gone by and sleep has evaded me. I played video games and raged.
I hated sleeping, my dreams were about how we got back, how it would have all been fine, how we said sorrys and just moved on happily as a family.
But you wake up, reality hits back hard, I don't cry anymore that's the good part. But it takes hours before I get up, I stare at the ceiling and the dark corners of the rooms.
Once, I watched a ton of Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares straight up. It helped; I think. At least I lost track of time, my mind went off to a different direction which I liked.
I thought of Tinder, with the pandemic going on and the way I look now, I wouldn't expect much of it. So, I grabbed a few decent photos and drafted my bio.
"Not here for hookups. Just an endless outpour of thoughts about life and love.
Let's talk about why the world is unfair. Smile and the world smiles with you, drink to the bottom of the barrel and the world spins for you.
Single moms are welcome."
I don't know why I added that last line though.
A few days of swiping left/right, a few matches, unanswered messages, one match started from something nice.
So, tinder has this popup that when you match with someone it gives out a suggestion on what to say on your first message. Ours came up as "say something funny.
" First thing that came to my mind was the "Say something cool" on 22 Jumpstreet. So, my first message came out as "something funny.
" Like a kid, I would always check the messages and see if it comes up with some replies but no cigar. A few hours later, ding ding ding! A crisp "what" was sent as a response.
So being the boring guy I was, I did the whole nine yards on explaining how I came about with that first response. And a devastating, "...?" was the reply.
Jesus Christ so I did another take at explaining and a calm "Yeah I know" was the response.
"From where are you?" she started,
"From Sta Ana Manila, how bout ya?" I'm 33 and she's like 23 on her profile, a single mom. I have been out of the dating game that I didn't know how to sound cool these days.
Holy Jeebus Fries, I am that old.
"Taguig" she responds.
"Ayt, ayt. Cool Cool Cool" facepalm!
To be continued
*Note: Hey guys, let me know if you want to find out what happened next.