There is a school for magic folk,
Inside a castle quite baroque,
Where children learn to charm and hex,
And other feats that would perplex,
Mere muggles such as you or I,
But it is not so cut-and-dry.
For in that awful magic school,
Dysfunction and disorder rule,
As four old geniuses saw fit,
To make some houses inside of it!
For every kind of high school clique,
Their reasons shrouded in mystique.
A house for nerds, called Ravenclaw,
For those whom their fatal flaw,
Is being an enormous geek,
A science dork or bookish freak
Who couldn't get a date to prom,
Unless they were to ask their mom.
A house for jocks is Gryffindor,
And no one knows what it is for,
But children housed within these walls,
Are those who say they have the balls
To do the boldest things by far,
Regardless of how dumb those are.
A house for bullies-Slytherin.
Is where the evil kids are in,
Collecting pyschopathic jerks
In one big place, in case that works.
That's how a proper school is run,
It's education 101.
And then of course there's Hufflepuff,
For kids who didn't have enough,
Of brain or brawl or evil glee,
A house for losers basically.
Oh, what a marvellous regime,
Does wonders for their self-esteem!
And all this disarray of cliques,
Of bullies, losers, jocks and geeks,
Is not conducted by some board,
Insuring kids are gauged and scored.
Instead, the house you end up at,
Will be decided by a hat!
By Quill Black