Im sorry im such a shit bag, I cant take it back now.
I wish i could have loved you right by the time i wanted to, it was too late.
I try not to allow my past to control me, i try not to allow my mental illness to consume me.
I allowed my sickness to overtake me.
I dont know what to even say now, i understand why you dont want me.
I understand why you ran away from me.
Because of the monster within me.
You left me and i dont blame you, i was an awful human being who didn’t deserve you.
I finally was capable of changing once you left me.
I know you don’t believe a word im saying.
I wouldn’t believe me if i was in your shoes.
But i know im telling you the truth, and i know its too late to win this battle with you.
I want you back but do i really deserve you?
You deserve the best in the world and i wish i would have given it to you.
I broke you down, i hurt you.
I should have never done the things i did to you.
I know im a changed man, fake men won’t admit what they have done wrong.
I know now that i abused you.
I know now that i had issues.
Im not perfect and i never can be. But i promise id never hurt another soul.
And i meant it.
Im throwing out my deepest darkest secrets.
I allowed my mania to control me, now im woke.
I woke up but it took me too long to change what i broke.
By the time i got around to it you already left, leaving was my biggest fucking regret.
People do crazy shit when they are ill, and i depended on drugs to keep me still.
I just wish you would talk to me now, i wish you would just hear me out.
Karma is a bitch and its been coming out.
Everywhere i go i see shit that reminds me of us, i hate that i cant run away from this stuff.
I fucked up going on dating apps, i cant tell you how many times i have cried over that.
I cry everytime i look back and think about what i have done.
I know I deserve it but i just want to be numb.
I dont want to remember it, your ghost haunts me.
My actions destroyed me, now im paying back the price.
Karma is a bitch that line has always been right.
PS: i know nothing i say now can change the damage, and i am truly sorry for everything i have done and put you through even if you don’t believe me.
I just wish you love, happiness, peace and forgiveness.