Old Notebooks
Old Notebooks hope stories
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poeticwater
poeticwaterI might never find my peace
Autoplay OFF  •  a year ago
I don't know if this is super good, but this poem doesn't sound like poetry to me. I hope you like it anyway.

Old Notebooks

I look through old things I wrote

When I first got depression

I have a hold on it now

It doesn't control me anymore

But, back then,

It controlled me entirely

I held my brain and wouldn't let go

It launched me into spirals

I wrote all of it down

I wrote about bad things

How I thought they all hated me

How I wanted to die

I wrote down attempts on life

All long ago

Depression doesn't control me anymore

I'm glad it doesn't

For the stuff I wrote on those pages,

Is problematic

I thought I had no friends

I thought I was terrible

I thought the world was against me

But,

It's not

It may seem bad

It may seem miserable

Everything may seem like the end

The curtains aren't closing

It doesn't matter that you hate me

It doesn't matter that you make me distressed

It doesn't matter what you think

It doesn't matter

She helped me

She listened

Back when I thought no one would

Back when I thought the world was terrible

Back when I felt like a black rose

Floating in a river surrounded by white ones

I could give up and just sink

Falling down to the bottom,

Not bothering to get up

Now, I feel like a grey rose

It may be sad

It may be depressing

But, I'll never stop floating

This doesn't control me

My thoughts don't control

No matter what you say

Or do

Or think

I am beautiful

I am wonderful

I may not see it, but it's true

I once told a friend

Who was distressed

To ignore her distresser

I'll just ignore you

And then we're through

Past the mountains that keep me

In these old notebooks,

There is no hope

No light

Nothing

In my new notebooks,

There is sadness

And darkness

But, there is a new hope

That things will get better

I beat my thouoghts

They don't control me

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