Once upon a time there was a little boy who changed his name to Franklin Caca. Franklin Caca lived in a big house with his mom. He did not like his mom.
Franklin Caca felt like his mom harassed him. She harassed him about his diet (mostly rainbow sherbet). She harassed him about what he read (mostly Judy Moody). She harassed him about when he bathed (twice a week, at the most).
Sometimes, Franklin Caca got so fed up with his mom that he wished she'd walk into her walk-in closet and never walk out again. He also sometimes wished that the CIA would kidnap her.
Even though Franklin Caca felt this way about his mom, he still went to see movies with her. Once, when they went to see a Transformers movie, they ran into Joshua and his mom.
“Look,” said Joshua’s mom to Joshua, “it’s the Rothbaums.” Franklin Caca’s mom grimaced, and so did Franklin Caca
Joshua sighed. “Mom,” he grumbled, “Franklin hates his last name. He tells everyone at school to call him Franklin Caca.” Franklin Caca’s mom smiled. "It's OK," she told Joshua's mom. "It’s not OK,” Franklin Caca declared.
“Frank,” said Franklin Caca’s mom, “come on, lighten up.” Franklin Caca didn’t back down. “I hate our last name,” he snarled. “What’s that supposed to mean?” his mom asked. “Oh god,” sighed Joshua’s mom. “Look what I started.”
Franklin Caca glanced sharply at Joshua’s mom. She was skinny and had small eyes. “No, no, no,” explained Franklin Caca’s mom to Joshua’s mom. “This, unfortunately, has been going on for a long time. I suppose we have the internet to thank.”
Franklin Caca’s mom glanced sideways at her son. But he wasn’t there. He was marching to their mini van in the parking lot. There, he could dream uninterruptedly about Judy Moody and rainbow sherbet.