I am here, in my paradise, my haven.
It’s a little glum and a little teary.
There isn’t much to say, except that I have been feeling empty for the past few days.
As if everything has stopped making much sense.
I want to feel something. Anything.
Let me feel. I feel so numb.
And I think it’s all my fault.
My dreams a reoccurring sequence of ambiguity and dread.
Ain’t I just a girl trying to get through this world.
One thing at a time.
Then why is it so hard.
Why does it feel like my head is about to explode and I am about to combust?
Not the bitterness of the chocolate, that used to be my ecstasy, not the sugar, that used to make me feel so out of control and not the coffee,
that used to make me feel alive.
Sometimes, it’s as if my life will pass away answering this cloudy questions, which don’t make sense.
I don’t think they ever will either.
For now I will let the numbness seep through my soul,
for it’s better that way.