Avoiding My Own Reflection

by PCM (WritingToHeal)

Whenever I pictured myself in love I imagined trusting that person enough to tell him all my secrets Without hesitation or embarrassment

The dirty:

Yes, I masturbate. Yes, I have watched pornography but it doesn't turn me on anymore. Yes, I have hooked up with strangers.

The innocent:

The book that got me into reading was Twilight. I don't know how to drive.

The life experiences that crack you and make you stronger:

My dad cheated on my mom. I have two half-brothers I have never met.

But how can I ever tell him about the piece I wish did not belong to me? The piece of my soul that I want to rip out. The truth that has me avoiding my own reflection.

How do I admit that I became who hurt me? How do I explain that I became the mistress for a night? How do I tell him I did not get carried away?

I wanted it. I wanted it and I took it. I hate who I have become.