The thing is I loved you and I had my moments when I really loved you but they never lasted.
Most the time I was confused, angry and bitter towards what you had done to me and what I had done because of it.
I may have never showed it but thats what was going on in my mind.
The spark was gone. It has been for a long time.
I don't know why I didn't leave you the first time you did it. I mean i didn't even really love you then, I could have easily got over you. But I stayed.
I think I just wasn't ready to be alone. I wanted someone to cuddle, to kiss.
But then it kept happening and the cuddles and kisses I wanted didn't seem so important anymore.
None of it seemed worth it; worth the heartbreak... actually I wouldn't call it heartbreak more like disappointment.
Disappointment that I am about to waste more time on someone who doesn't deserve me.
And yet I still stayed. I stayed for 2 years.
Here I am now thinking why? Why did I stay when clearly I was only pretending that I was truly happy.
I can't explain why I stayed. All I know is that I'm leaving. Leaving him behind.
Another draining love to become part of my past.