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olivepants
olivepants Community member
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
I don't want to be here anymore. Here is hard.

Here

I don't want to be here anymore.

Here is hard.

Here is away from there. And there… is everything.

Why.

Why am I so sad?

Why do I think about something and feel like the world is on my shoulders?

What about here makes me want to scream,

rip my hair out,

be high,

be drunk,

be anything but aware and alone?

I hate my own thoughts.

Because they run circles around my frail self-esteem,

calling me names

"failure"

"slut"

"selfish"

"hypocrite"

"lazy"

"stupid."

I tell myself every day it's a new day

that "I'm getting my shit together"…

then one more drop of water enters my cup and I overflow with emotions

and drown everyone with me.

I can't take this anymore.

Do you not feel what I feel?

Am I the only one who has to imagine I'm next to you just to get through the day?

Am I the only one that fantasizes about our future?

Am I the only one that can't wait until the next time I can feel your skin on mine and know that we're one?

Please.

Help me to feel the way you do.

That way I won't care if I'm here, and you're there.

I won't care that my grades are slipping,

that I'm broke,

that I work all the time,

that my friends lie to me,

that my family is messed,

and that here…

isn't so bad after all.

But if you don't help me…

I don't know how much more I can take.

I don't want to be here anymore.

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