if someone were to ask me to describe an anxiety attack
i'd explain to them how it turns my body into a prison cell.
each bone is a cold steel bar and the wash of blood through my body as my heart beats faster
sounds like the pound pound pounding of 4 angry prisoners, trying to burst out of me like a tidal wave.
Nervousness Paranoia Adrenaline Disassociation.
but they can't escape. at least not how i want them to
at least not how they should.
so they take the form of stuttered speech and headaches and lungs like fists
everything i've ate in the past 6 hours turning in my stomach, a face covered in water yet remains like fire
at least 3 different types of guilt.
a heart attack - no, a stroke - no, an aneurism - no, a..
that's the worst part - Nothing.
what starts as a war in my body, a face off with what i've convinced myself is death, layers of self hatred and disgust and embarrassment and fear,
pure fear pinning me down and breaking my bones, my guts spilled across the floor and suffocating me turns into
a dull ache
a distant alarm
a cry for attention
a million questions, hours of confusion and