What do you aspire to be?


What do you aspire to be? pain stories
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ocean_blue09
ocean_blue09 a newbie.
Autoplay OFF   •   8 months ago
a situation that happened during a goodbye party back in 2018, two months after we broke up. no one knew what was running in my head back then.

What do you aspire to be?

"what do you aspire to be?" they asked. "I aspire to be a writer. To write a story about the two of us, where at least we ended up together."

I was laughing out loud, trying to overthrow the voices in the background.

"Is she your girl?" they asked. I felt a little sting in my chest, while my back was facing the two of you. I felt her stare when the question was asked.

Like she was waiting for some reaction from me. Like she knew something about what we used to be. But I kept my act together like I was not paying attention to the two of you at all.

I was laughing with the others, talking about something else. But little did he know, they kept running on my mind the whole time.

I wanted to cry, let all these feelings come out. Let all the pain be felt once and for all. But I know that I have no right. I am happy for you. For the both of you.

Believe it or not, I am. I just can't help but to feel this way. To feel hurt, sad, and unwanted. I loved every bit of you, and I still do, despite all the pain, you made me feel.

I am trying to answer the question I wanted to ask you, "how can you make me love you this deep? Like you threw my heart in the abyss."

I can't help but glance your way, your back facing mine, but I can feel how genuine is your smile for her. I feel so jealous, so insecure. You were never like that with me before.

And everything I wished and prayed for was given to her.

I lied to my friends, I lied being ok that night. But then, I wanted to cry and shout, complain about the pain you have caused me.

It felt like I was stabbed in the chest so deep I couldn't pull it out, and I couldn't do anything but smile.

Show and tell them I'm fine. That it's fine, about you being with her. I wanted you to be happy because that's what you deserve.

But it hurts, that it can't be with me, that I can't have something I prayed for sincerely.

.....

"I aspire to be a writer, to write the story of us where we ended up together. But why does it seem like I can't think of any? Like fate itself doesn't want me to write...

"I aspire to be a writer, to write the story of us where we ended up together. But why does it seem like I can't think of any? Like fate itself doesn't want me to write... Can't I have you too at the world I made? A world too far from reality to happen."

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