12 // 25 // 16
12 // 25 // 16 christmas stories
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nyssa96 It's all just a cosmic joke
Autoplay OFF   •   3 years ago

12 // 25 // 16

by nyssa96

my dear F,

i'm sorry things turned out this way.

as much as i want to believe that we are the ones who make our own fate, some things just became too heavy for me to carry and i wasn't ready.

and believe me, i tried.

i tried so hard but it's hard to brawl against something i couldn't even see like destiny or whatever other word people have for it.

see, i haven't been doing too well.

when i look at myself in the mirror i see a houseplant that is about to die. the guilt consumes me more than anything.

other days i just feel like a lit candle dying a slow death and this, i accept. i'm sorry i hurt you while i was hurting. i have been a dreadful person.

and i'm sorry this is all i can give you--

another futile attempt to gather my thoughts and then turn them into something not even mildly coherent. but this is all i've got... for now, at least.

i don't know what to say anymore.

i just don't want to cry on christmas day again. i'm sorry i can't go back in time and fix us.

maybe in our next lives, if i'm lucky, you'll find me again.

or i'll find you.

either way, i will be waiting.

but i understand if you hate me.

merry christmas. have a good one.

love always, Nyssa

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