My parents don’t understand the feelings I admit.
Have to wear a light color during gym.
And you know, I would be fine with that but I sweat like a pig.
My parents all angered because of my brothers so I get the diss.
Yell at me constantly all because they lost some privacy.
Gave me harsh emotions that causes me to lose gravity.
The insanity of believing that they despise me.
But then ten seconds later, they’re proud of me.
Can’t you see why I’m utterly confused?
First they tell me some good news,
Then they burn out like a fuse.
Maybe that’s why I can flick my emotions—
One second I’m happy, the next I think about overdosing.
Want to tell my mom but she is out smoking.
Wanna tell my dad but he lacks correct motions.
Stuck in this Hell of contradicting confusion.
Want to open up but scared about choosing.
My mind is overwhelmed with these thoughts of losing.
Can’t tolerate my family but I still say I love ‘em.
Wanna stay glued to my friends but I rather just lose them.
These emotions of mine are stuck with no conclusion.
I just wanna sleep but I wanna live life to the fullest.
Petrified to talk to strangers but somehow have the confidence,
One day I wish that I can be led right out of this.
But who am I kidding?
Life ain’t that glamorous.
My stomach filled with butterflies—more like butter knives,
High school starts tomorrow, can’t you see the fear in my eyes?
And I know I’m not the only one,
Who is beyond covered in fear of the gun.
I’m scared of all the names that people might call me,
I’m scared they’ll play games that I don’t quite fancy.
Something that would go completely over my head.
I'm just an unprepared tool inside the shed.
I’ve already been broken and overused,
So why am I so scared to go back to school?
Why should I even bother when it's nothing so new?
Well, middle school wasn’t the best.
I wasn’t bullied, but everyday felt like a test.
My grades suck, I couldn't focused, and even if I got an 95/100 I wasn't impressed.
All of my anxiety couldn’t be suppressed,
And my emotions were in a total wreck.
Nothing could get into my mind and stick.
Only the hostility temptations of those that I'm with.
People make me afraid,
I don’t know how to be brave
When I'm stuck with no air conditioning in the multi-floor building of fakeness and drama.
I promise I'm not some comic saying the protagonist's lines,
But none of this is totally fine.
Most kids in school don't know how to keep their mouth shut.
I had someone talk sh*t about me--I didn't even know who they was.
I never talked to them, I wasn't their loyal. They were grades above me, you’d think I've known them?
Fear has two meanings:
F*ck everything and run,
Face everything and rise.
But I don’t know how to fight.
I don’t want to be the center of attention.
I know, I need an update in morality lessons.
I need better goals and some more control.
But man I’m scared about the different types of repercussions and,
I don’t wanna end up in a world full with everyone hating me.
I just got to release these thoughts that constantly haunt me.