For most, guilt is just a temporary thing,
Not exactly an emotion but a feeling of the obscene.
Well, for me it is an emotion, something that is stuck coursing.
A warning of mornings that I wake up to black,
That I did something wrong, I’m always on the attack.
I try to urge myself, convince myself, that I am not one to feel so on edge,
But it’s like the demons born inside my head are driving paranoia to cry instead.
I wake up to the feelings of guilt.
It’s like my title, the cover, the pages, the entire book.
I have nothing to feel this way for,
But it’s like my body is a machine that is use to producing these panic scenes.
Please, won’t anyone help coax me?
Or are they too scared because of the aftermath I left before thee?
I don’t blame you,
But I wish you could see through the lines that I have blurred.
I never meant to cause this destruction, all of it is just apart of the curse.
I need someone that can hold me away from the storms.
I need someone to hold my hand in the darkest of nights,
I need someone by my side to help me go on with something called life.
Guilt is the fog inside my mind,
Affecting my confidence and all that resigns.
I wanna just say a simple hi, but all that releases is the goodbyes.
My hands of actions is covered in the shadows,
I feel as though I am watching myself just losing to these battles.
Before, I used to say that I’ll stay with you no matter what,
But now I think things along the lines of,
“Close that door on me one more time,
I'll show you what it's like to be left behind.”
But I don’t really mean that,
I am so sorry for the social defect.
Apologizing seems to be the only words coming out of my mouth.
Repeating the sorries as if that even helps.