„This is to all the girls who have ever loved and will love. To all the girls who have had someone in their heart or letting someone to have their hearts.
First love. The one that makes your heart beat in indescribable ways.
The love that makes the butterflies in your stomach feel like hundreds and hundreds of bugs are climbing their way down your intestines. It’s the feeling you have never known.
It makes you happy and you’d want to share it with everyone because love is something special. After some time, it gets lonely. And sad.
You see, love is only great when you have someone who loves you. Who feels the same for you. I didn’t. After a while, loving someone just hurt me.
It made my heart ache and the butterflies in my stomach got crazier and crazier until they started fighting. This wasn’t a good feeling. It didn’t make me happy. I was miserable at my best.
I read all about love, you know. How it’s such a great feeling and how you’ll cherish it. How it makes everything around you seem like rainbows and unicorns.
Well, all these stories are lying to you, period. My first love was always there for me, but he never loved me back. He was my best friend, but he never-ever loved me back.
This hurt me more than something else could have. I know you can’t force someone to love you, but that’s what makes it so melancholic. You’re like a prisoner.
There’s no way you can get out of it without leaving the one person who makes you somehow feel happy. Even being friends with them hurts.
It’s the most agonizing when they meet someone. Someone who makes them happy and someone who doesn’t make them cry. When you realize that you can’t be the one who heals their bruises and wounds.
Who glues their heart back together again.
And do you even know what’s the worst?
When for a little while you have seen their eyes light up when they talk to you, or when you feel that their heart starts beating faster when you look at them.
When you understand that suddenly they are starting to feel the same way about you. And then – boof – gone. Their heart has been taken by someone else.
At this very moment, you’d want to scream. The pain in your chest feels like it’s real. Like your heart has really been shattered into million tiny pieces.
The butterflies in your stomach are dying, one after another, but there’s always a few left just to leave you in agony. You cry. I did. You’ll cry for days, weeks, months, even years.
You’ll start judging yourself, analysing if it was your fault. It wasn’t, I can promise you that. You will start thinking about the ways the pain could go away.
You start pushing yourself to love someone else, and that’s where you’re doing wrong. You shouldn’t push your heart to fall in love again, not so quickly.
It needs time to heal, you need time to grieve, and you need to be on full control over the things you do because otherwise, you’re making it worse. I know, because I did.
I have to tell you something. You will think that there’s going to be a time when it all goes away. The pain, the feeling, the need. I have to crush your hopes – it doesn’t. It really doesn’t.
It’s been a few years and I still feel it like it would have been yesterday. The pain is there, all the feelings are there and they won’t go away, even though I really want them to.
The first love stays. It always stays."