Here I go

Here I go again;

Yearning for a life I don't have,

A life I doubt I'd even enjoy.

A life where I have countless friends-

Some of whom may not even like me.

But who cares?

A life with just numbers.

Money,

Friends,

Lovers, no not lovers.

Socializing-

A concept lost to me.

Where I can go to a draining party,

To lead into a draining day,

To never feel full.

A life where I talk on the phone.

Where the knots in my stomach never disappear-

I will talk on the phone.

A life without patience.

A life without reflection.

A life without thought.

Why do I yearn for misery?

Am I already miserable?