I am barely holding myself together Like a windshield that’s been hit again and again, and is now laced with cracks
I am barely holding myself together











Like a windshield that’s been hit again and again, and is now laced with cracks mental illness stories
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nicolewilliams
nicolewilliams Community member
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
My journey and feeling with depression over the last few months

I am barely holding myself together Like a windshield that’s been hit again and again, and is now laced with cracks

Every day, I say “today will not be the day I break” Put a smile on my caving heart, my hollow chest, my aching body, my shaking fists

I don’t see myself standing on the train tracks as the lights blared “stay away” and the bar sealed in my fate

As long as I don’t close my eyes for too long

I don’t see the rain

I don’t see the same gray ceiling that I stared at for six months of my life

I don’t see my hands curled like a child’s around my own congealing blood

I don’t see my matted, limp hair, the bones in my hips growing sharper every day

I don’t hear the pounds on the door as my few remaining friends begged me to come out, to make sure I wasn’t dead already

I don’t hear the line drop as my mother hangs up. Even she’d had enough.

I don’t see the little number of my GPA, falling, and falling, failing and failing

I don’t see the empty beer bottles stuffed under my bed, or smell the sour stench of alcohol on my breath day after day

I don’t see the judging eyes of my roommate as she finds me in the same position as when she left that morning

As long as...

I won’t feel all their hands on me. All those random people I turned to in the drunken dark, trying to fill some void

As long as.

But even though I try to keep busy. Distract myself. I can still feel that rotten hollowness eating away at me

it’s always a contingency, in this life, I’ve learned. An “as long as” I stay this way, I won’t fall back into that pit full of grasping hands and teeth

But oh I am growing so so tired

And I am laced and laced with cracks

If I just break. It will all just go away, forever.

Just One More Day

That’s how I keep living

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