Knives are scratching their tips on my head.
Bugs are crawling on my skin.
The sun is burning my cheeks and eyes.
Needles are poking out of my wrists.
My heart and legs are running a marathon.
Flour and cinnamon are mixing in my mouth.
An elephant is sitting on my chest.
I feel all of this.
But none of it is actually there and nothing is physically doing any of that.
No one sees those things attacking me and no one knows I feel it.
Until I act on my feelings, they aren't there.
I pull my hair until it comes out.
I scratch my entire body until it's red.
I cry and sob until I'm dry and it burns.
I scratch at my wrists until I want to bleed.
I hyperventilate and shake until I feel something touch me.
I lick my lips and brush my teeth until I want to drink water.
I don't breathe until I can't hold my breath any longer.
Nobody knows what I feel because I feel things that aren't there.
Until I feel something that I think is okay to feel and I know is real,
Nothing I feel can be seen.