the slow death of grief
the slow death of grief suicide stories
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natasha
natashajust looking for some meaning
Autoplay OFF  •  a year ago
Late at night, when all distance is darkness, and your eyes have been closed for a long time now, I will still be texting you Trying, trying, trying to get a message through

the slow death of grief

Late at night, when all distance is darkness, and your eyes have been closed for a long time now, I will still be texting you

Trying, trying, trying to get a message through

Or maybe I'm just trying to relieve my insomnia, my waking nightmares that sleep doesn't come to take away

Or maybe I'm just trying to curb the loneliness, the crushing loneliness, I feel whomever I'm with on any day

Anyway, the text will fail to send and I'll curse the damn wifi that doesn't work in my damn room,

and all of a sudden I'm damning everything to hell and my phone is lying cracked at the base of my wall

And now not even texting you is an option

So I lay in bed and try to make the dark into something else until my eyes burn and the tears overflow and there's a burning lump wedged in my throat reminding me of how much I miss you,

no matter how hard I've tried to forget

And I will want to run away from the cursed place my bed has come to be and out into the night in the hopes that there is more light out there from the moon and the stars

But it's a cloudy night and I can almost feel the suppressing blanket over this insufferable town

And all I want to do is escape it, and escape the version of myself that resides here , so I'll run and run until my lungs are burning

And I'll keep running because the burning feels good, I deserve this, I need my lungs to burn until I can rip them out of my chest because breathing hurts when you can't do it too

And all of a sudden I'm standing at the precipice of the bridge, my hands clenched tightly, my fingernails carving the absent moon into my palms

And the dark water below is entrancing with its shimmering depth and the promise of an end to my miserable existence

And I will consider jumping, because when you were alive I didn't need a text or the moon or air because you always texted me first and you were my source of light and we shared the same air

You called me tonight because you are on the precipice of that bridge

And this poem is my letter to you

If you set yourself free because you think there's nobody left who loves you

And your existence is worthless

Then you've forgotten me and what I might do and how I might feel when you leave me behind

So this is my attempt to convince you this life is worth living

Because my life isn't worth living without you

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