Midnight Existentialism
Midnight Existentialism power stories
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natasha
natashajust looking for some meaning
Autoplay OFF  •  a year ago
Do you ever lay in bed with this feeling in the empty cavity of your abdomen
Wishing you had fire at your fingertips

Midnight Existentialism

Do you ever lay in bed with this feeling in the empty cavity of your abdomen

Wishing you had fire at your fingertips

Or hoarfrost crackling in your veins

Because you have so much anger

And no physical outlet to release it

You shift restlessly

And your fingers strain and stretch,

Knowing for just a moment that you would give up every fiber of your being to be in one of the stories where that power would be at your disposal

Your muscles tighten

But there is nowhere for the raging energy to go but inward

And your mind melts, red-hot, into something forged of emotions and pasts and futures until it feels like it could bleed out of your ears and you wouldn't even notice the difference

The pressing silence of your room is at odds with the dull roaring in your head and the ringing in your ears

And you are suffocating

Under the weight of your own thoughts

Because they had no outlet but in

Because you were born into a world where your physical power is passable at most

And is unable to manifest in forms other than strength

Because sometimes you think you feel too much to be in this world

Like you are being consumed by yourself

Do you ever stretch against the blankets of your bed, late at night,

And feel the weight of the universe,

And wonder if you were perhaps born in the wrong one?

You lay under the burning stars and wish you would burn with them

And you think that other people maybe do not feel this way

But maybe they do

And you are not special

Maybe everyone was born into this universe because it is the only one and there was no choice, regardless of the power of individual entities

Do you ever sprawl in the material comfort of your bed

And feel unable to blink

Imagining your eyes are burning holes in the ceiling above you

Straight to the stars above, yes, but mostly looking to the void between them

Wondering what it would feel like to be one with that void

Free floating

Endless

And you think

That maybe you have always felt that way

And you are the void

In your thoughts,

Your imagination,

Your dreams

But not in any physical sense

Because you are only human,

And despite any desperate wishes you may fling into the night and sightless stars,

You will never be anything more.

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