Failing on so many different levels, they tell you it'll get better, they tell you to work harder.
I can't work in the dark, my head's spinning, every second the walls seem to close in tighter, close the gap that I've curled myself into.
I try to unwind myself but the halls are too crowded to move in. Bending, breaking, turning, twisting, no escape. shove the walls, try to hold them in place.
Eye's all around me, one false move and they'll hate me. I stare at the floor avoiding eye contact. I can't smile anymore, it hurts too much.
I can turn all the lights on in my house to try and scare the demons away, but they linger still. Not a thing on this earth can clear my mind it's always on you.
I tare myself apart and put myself back together only to repeat that process once more.
Only to feel something real, Only to remind myself I'm still somewhat living, Only to remind myself the world doesn't revolve around you, but mine does.
So maybe if I can remind myself of the world I lived in before I met you then I could forget you. Forget that I ever cared for you, forget that I still do.
Forget that my love for you burns brighter than the sun even though I don't want it to.
You have me wrapped around your murderous fingers WHY WON'T YOU LET ME GO!?
I've tried everything to cut the web between us but it only makes it bigger, it only reminds me how deeply I love you. You ruined my life and you don't even realize it.
You think "maybe if I ignore her she won't feel the same about me," but it only makes me want you more,
you think you can just put me in your closet until you want to talk to me again then when my feelings start to show you throw me back in for another year thinking "She'll be waiting."
I wish I wasn't still waiting like what I wanted so deeply in my heart, was gonna come true, but you're the only person I've felt this strongly about.
I wish I could throw you out and never think about you again but in the back of my mind is your name, carved into it; A scar from which I can never remove.
I've tried to paint over it with a new name but yours burnt through it and covered it completely.
Go to school with a headache from crying myself to sleep the night before with your name on repeat through my mind.
I think of a future and there you are, standing tall in that black and red plaid shirt with black jeans and a smile so big it warms my dead heart.
Every day I have to wake up knowing I'm nothing without you.