I loved him.
I loved everything about him.
The way he smiled at me on our first date,
Spreading all the way across his face.
How he dried my tears every time I cried,
Regardless of how drenched his shirt got.
The way he cooked pancakes on a Sunday morning,
Bringing me breakfast in bed.
I loved the way he took care of me,
Making sure I was well rested every morning.
I remember when he picked me up from my work,
Buckling me in and handing me a rose.
I remember when we went ice-skating,
Falling more than we skated.
I loved the way we woke up in the morning,
Lying in each other’s arms,
Savouring the moment.
I remember when he became sick,
Falling hard against the floor.
I remember the hospital,
Bright lights flashing.
It was all chaos,
Blood tests and diagnoses.
I remember the doctors taking me aside,
Fearing the worst.
I had feared right.
That’s when I broke down,
Sobbing in the middle of the corridor.
He was going to die,
They didn’t know when.
It was terminal,
Never going away,
Slowly ridding him of his life.
He was in a deep sleep when I walked back in,
Looking more peaceful than I could ever be.
I sat by him for an eternity,
Just holding his hand.
I couldn’t breathe,
I couldn’t speak,
I couldn’t even think.
I was going to lose him,
I wanted to be in denial,
Not believing anything they said.
I couldn’t be though,
When it was right there in black and white.
Over the next few weeks,
I drifted in and out with the tide,
Not being able to watch,
As the man I loved wasted away.