I’m scared to be lonely,
It’s my biggest fear.
That one day,
After all my attempts,
To keep people in my life,
They’re going to leave me anyway.
I’ve lost so many people,
I lost seven people,
It only took four years to lose them all,
Only to death itself.
As a person who struggles with living,
Losing three of the people to suicide,
Was a life-changer.
I occasionally feel like my life is for nothing,
But I the one thing I vividly remember is that,
At one of the people’s funeral,
Her grandmother’s sobs of anguish,
That never left me.
She was so distraught that,
Even in the midst of an event such as that,
She had to be escorted from the room.
That changed me,
I never realised that someone could care for someone just that much.
And then I remembered,
I have that in my life,
For me it was in the form of my mother.
No one else has loved me just as much as she has.
After twenty-one years of dealing with:
She’s been with me through it all.
She came to all the funerals with me,
I couldn’t face them alone.
Life is such a fragile thing,
I’m trying not to take it for granted,
But it’s so easy to throw it away.