I pretend I understand polygamy but I don’t.
I don’t have a problem with polygamy.
I have a problem with how he makes me feel.
How does one make sense of self worth.
Self worth comes from self.
But when you so deeply love someone, their values become your own.
I see the way he values me by how he treats me.
His actions show what he thinks I deserve, what I deserve is how valuable I am.
When he talks to everyone else then me.
I feel last place in his mind, unimportant.
When he thinks his life is boring.
I feel that I am not his muse, uninteresting, a placeholder for something.
When he wants other girls.
I feel that physically I am not enough, that my face is ugly and my body is a waste.
I feel used, disposed of and forgotten.
When he doesn’t ask me anything, questions anything about me or my life, no curiosity of me.
I feel uncared for.
That how I feel, my thoughts, how events in my life played out, do not matter.
I ask myself why do I hate myself
Its because I wish I was enough.
I know I’m a good women, I know any man would be lucky if I loved him, just me.
but to someone who doesn’t see that.
I am a chore. i am an obligation. I am needy.
I am a commitment that will tie down your life.
I am not enough to keep you happy.
I am not enough to satisfy all your needs.
i know I am enough but not enough for him.
Him who is my world, my muse, my most interesting and cared for person in my life.
how does one make sense of self worth?
First, don’t fall in love.