From my child bearing body, to the gray hairs in my head.. to the dry red eyes, to the wishes of being dead.. to the painful memories, to the thoughts I come up with due to distrust..
to the anxiety, to the depression.. to the countless sleepless nights..
It all makes me feel like I’m loosing my fight for life
I smile on the outside but on the inside I’m crying.. screaming…. dying……
I wanna give up but I also don’t wanna be a statistic so I pretend to be happy sometimes to make my dreams seem realistic
I don’t know how much more I can take I don’t know how many other occurrences I can shake..
I’m tired of the embarrassment & fed up with the disrespect but if I say something I’m crazy, I’m seeing stuff, & once you’re mad & yelling.. you tell me there’s nothing else to dissect.
So I stay quiet
Silent screams & loud cries, bloody red eyes..
Yea sure the relationship is saved & you get to keep your pride ….
But I’m not allowed to feel things, I’m not allowed to express myself ..
So my heart & mind are fried ..