@lojsshjsjsjsjsj roast stories

musical_mutt 😶✨status: online for a bit✨😶
Autoplay OFF   •   13 days ago
Only for them


You need to shut up, you'll never be the man your mother was. It looks like your face caught on fire and someone attempted to put it out with a fork.

If it were me and you were on fire I wouldn't even spit on you. You are so ugly when your mother would drop you off at school she'd get a fine for littering.

When you were born the doctor said "what a treasure" and your mother said "yeah lets bury it" and you're so stupid Hello Kitty said "bye" to you.

Also, take your mask off, because it's not Halloween yet. Don't leave yet, I need to poison the tea.

When you were born, the police arrested your dad, the doctor slapped your mother, animal control euthanized your brother, then A&E made a document that saved your life.

I've been wondering if aliens exist, but then met you. You're so fat you have to wear two watches because you cover two time zones.

Do you still love nature despite what it did to you? The only letters of the alphabet you know are K,F, and C. Don't jump into the Pacific ocean, then it'll be the Pacific desert.

Now, go slip into something comfortable, like a coma. Get a life, oh you have one? Then get one that matters. Ok, I'm gonna go, but remember two wrongs don't make a right, like your parents.

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